Category Archives: Other Things

Money, Part 2

I’m more expensive because I’m experienced, and VERY GOOD at my job.

Please Remember:

The opinions expressed are mine only. These opinions do not necessarily reflect anybody else’s opinions. I do not own, operate, manage, or represent any band, venue, or company that I talk about, unless explicitly noted.

Want to use this image for something else? Great! Click it for the link to a high-res or resolution-independent version.

There are times when I quote a price for a job, and the person on the receiving end squirms a little. I’m hardly the most expensive audio human on the planet, but I’m not the cheapest either. My pricing can seem a little steep to some, and that brings up the question of “Why?”

What might be unexpected here is that I’m not going to talk about vehicles, gear, insurance, or any other expense. That’s not the major driver.

For me, it’s all about experience and results. It took a strikingly long time, but I’ve reached a point of very high confidence in what I’m able to accomplish. I express that confidence in the form of a question:

“Have you noticed that, when I’m around, everything I’m responsible for works properly – and if that suddenly becomes untrue, I have a fix at the ready?”

That’s what you’re paying for. I’ve studied my craft at a depth that few other audio craftspeople dive into. I’ve written the equivalent of at least two books on topics pertaining to live music. Unlike some other technicians, I’m not interested in the easiest solution. I’m interested in the solution that delivers the best possible show to both the musicians and the audience. Signal flows that boggle other operator’s minds are routine to me. (To be fair, though, there are some signal flows out there that are incomprehensible because they ARE truly bad implementations. I know the difference between those and the routing solutions that are complicated because they have to be.)

I don’t carry the most expensive equipment in the business, but I know how to get absolutely everything out of what I have on hand. It’s because I understand the physics involved in what I’m doing at the necessary level to know the limits of what I’m doing.

You can be quite sure that I know why I’m taking an action, as opposed to simply following a checklist I don’t truly comprehend.

My point is that I’m not a “$50 and a bar tab” engineer, because I’m not in this to muddle through making a few things louder for a couple of hours and then drive away. I’m here to understand, predict, execute, and have alternative contingencies for a show from top to bottom. That kind of experience and thought costs a few bucks, and clients that want that kind of attention are the people I want to work for.

Money, Part 1

Yes, I charge different clients differently.

Please Remember:

The opinions expressed are mine only. These opinions do not necessarily reflect anybody else’s opinions. I do not own, operate, manage, or represent any band, venue, or company that I talk about, unless explicitly noted.

Want to use this image for something else? Great! Click it for the link to a high-res or resolution-independent version.

There are some out there who argue that you have to charge all your clients the same rate. Their argument is that, eventually, someone will talk to someone else and “the secret will be out.” Once the cat escapes the bag, at least one client of yours will be thoroughly infuriated that they’re paying more than someone else.

I would say that there’s a major assumption driving this logic:

That your clients can afford to pay ever-increasing rates as your business expands, and if they can’t, they aren’t worth keeping. (And also that your clients can’t handle the truth, at least in a way.)

I don’t agree.

First, I’ve said before that my repeat clients are some of my highest-value clients overall. This is both in terms of tangible value (money), and intangible value (referrals). The vast majority of those repeat, long-term relationships were founded when my  rates were lower, and/ or where those clients had a certain budget that I was willing to work within. The ones that were worth sticking with self-selected; My low-quality clients tend to automatically evaporate quickly without me doing any weeding. Because the folks who have stuck with me are good to work with, I’m willing to offer a discount.

Second, I’m clear about there being price differences between old and new clients. When I quote to new clients, I explicitly say “My new-client rate is…” I try not to give the impression that everyone is paying the same thing. I think people can handle my frankness. I’ve never had anyone throw any flak my way over what I’ve said.

Third, some rates do go up. The best case is when someone is very impressed and gives me a raise without me insisting upon it. There are also positive conversations, though, where I’m able to say, “I’ve really expanded what I’m able to provide for you. Do you want to go to the next level? It would cost…” Sometimes they say yes, sometimes they aren’t really interested.

Fourth – and in some ways, a corollary to the third point – I scale what I provide. What I mean is, some clients who pay a bit less also need less. Just this year, I moved to a “single-hung” system versus a “double-hung” system for a particular client. The double-hung approach was mostly adding clutter and effort to a show that didn’t benefit from it any way. Effectively, I now get a better rate for those events, and the client is still just as happy.

Fifth, there are some clients that are just too much fun to work with to lose. There are folks out there who, if I insisted on them meeting a new and much higher rate, would be completely priced out. I’d then lose those high-quality clients who play great music and are a blast to be around. Why would I do that, especially when the long-term business case for keeping them as clients ALSO lines up with loving them as people? It’s a no-brainer. Of course I keep working with them.

I can respect that some folks can’t get on board with billing different clients different rates. If it doesn’t make sense to someone, I can’t arbitrarily insist that it be logical. At the same time, all kinds of different businesses and contractors offer discounts and specials for all kinds of different reasons. That’s what I do, and the folks that I work for seem to appreciate it.

Black Gold, Silver Gold, Gold Gold

The value of Sharpies is hard to overstate.

Please Remember:

The opinions expressed are mine only. These opinions do not necessarily reflect anybody else’s opinions. I do not own, operate, manage, or represent any band, venue, or company that I talk about, unless explicitly noted.

 
Want to use this image for something else? Great! Click it for the link to a high-res or resolution-independent version.

When the world economy collapses in The Apocalypse, Sharpies will probably be the main form of currency. Sorry, “Fallout” fans, but I don’t think bottlecaps are going to cut it. Two of these iconic markers will buy a whole farm, plus a generator filled with the last diesel to exist on the planet. Just you watch.

And why not? They’re already the most valuable thing that an audio craftsperson can possess. Apparently, I mean. It’s even surprising to me how I feel about Sharpies. I have this sneaky suspicion that if I lent out a 30′ XLR cable and it didn’t come back, I’d be over it in a couple of days. In contrast, somebody borrowed a silver Sharpie from me at the beginning of the month…and I don’t think it was returned…and I’m still thinking about it. And the person I lent it to. Their name, it is known to me. It is filed forever in a corner of my brain reserved entirely for the purpose of remembering persons that I have handed any sort of marking pen to.

Seriously, people ask me for an adapter, or a cable, or a roll of gaff tape, and I hand it over without thinking. Ask me for a Sharpie, and I become a bird of prey. I will constantly be looking around for you and my precious marker. I will be able to zero in on you from several thousand feet. My vision extends into the infrared and ultraviolet portions of the spectrum when a Sharpie is out of my FOH bag. I can hear the fabric of spacetime bending around you and my precious writing instrument. It sings to me across the aeons. It calls to me across the event horizons of black holes. Don’t even think about going outside the venue with that thing. No. NO. You can write on things in here, you villain, YOU KNAVE!

You want a mic stand? No problem, here you go. Want me to leave you the lighting computer and the password? Yeah, okay. You want a Sharpie?

I will get  your name and home address, and I will 100% look on Google Maps to see if it’s a legitimate place that exists. There will be a background check. Fingerprints. I will demand three references and call them.

Maybe it’s because the things are so useful. (Pro Tip: Silver sharpies on black gaff tape make really decent, semi-permanent labels for many racks and workboxes.) Maybe it’s because they seem expensive for their classification. Maybe it’s because they disappear so readily. Maybe it’s because everybody wants one. Maybe it’s because they’re hard to find when you really need one.

Maybe it’s all those things.

“No, dude, first you hand me the money, THEN I hand you the Sharpie.” It’s at that level. The things are made of some precious metal, I swear. Of all the “magic markers” in this world, they seem to have the most magic.

You could replace The One Ring in “Lord Of The Rings” with a Sharpie, and all the dialogue would still make perfect sense. That’s how valuable the things are.

“Is it secret? Is it safe?”

I’m tellin’ ya.

Getting There Is What Worries Me

Getting there isn’t half the fun. It’s the bit that bugs me.

Please Remember:

The opinions expressed are mine only. These opinions do not necessarily reflect anybody else’s opinions. I do not own, operate, manage, or represent any band, venue, or company that I talk about, unless explicitly noted.

Want to use this image for something else? Great! Click it for the link to a high-res or resolution-independent version.

I’m heading out for a show tomorrow, and I have some mild anxiety. Nothing huge, just a light gnawing in the back of my mind.

Am I concerned about the acoustics of a theater I’ve never worked in before?

Nope.

Am I worried about the musical configuration of the act being different from the normal setup?

Nah.

Am I concerned about executing well for an important, original work which is debuting in two days?

Not really.

I’m concerned about getting there. I’m apprehensive about whether there will be enough room for the van-o-gear to park and get unloaded successfully. (The new, big-time theater complex downtown was, of course, built around a street that was redesigned to mostly be friendly to pedestrians. Hey, Salt Lake! How about a performing arts facility with an awesome parking lot for cargo-van-scale vehicles?) I’m uneasy about the loading-zone only having space for two cars – maybe I’ll get to use the dock, maybe I won’t, and I still have to park legally while I get general access first.

Speaking of which, I don’t know if security will be “simpatico.” Chances are that they will be, but you never know. Walking up to an intercom and having nothing else to work with other than, “Hi! I’m here with audio for the show,” can be a little uncomfortable.

And then I have to re-park the van once I’m loaded in, my choices being both limited and expensive because:

A) It’s a van, not a passenger car, and

B) I have to be there all day and into the night.

About that parking lot, Salt Lake…I have thoughts.

This might sound like a lot of kvetching, and it is in a way. I’m going to get through this thing. My anxieties are almost always overblown at some level.

The thing is that, even so, the process of getting TO somewhere and IN somewhere is the least fun part of this business. Late nights, loud noises, uncertainty, technical issues, etc – it can all be dealt with. When the infrastructure you’re dealing with doesn’t work seamlessly with your gear transport, though, it’s a factor that feels out of your control.

(There’s another, nearby arts complex that has a !@#$%^& club behind it, and they have their VIP parking in the chokingly-small alley that you have to use for load-out. Whose bright idea was that, I wonder?)

Seriously, Salt Lake, can we talk about performance facilities and parking?

Anyway.

(Post-publication note: The facility very kindly let me park the van – for the whole day – in their ample loading dock. I felt very happy about that.)

If You Have To Ask

You don’t have “enough.”

Please Remember:

The opinions expressed are mine only. These opinions do not necessarily reflect anybody else’s opinions. I do not own, operate, manage, or represent any band, venue, or company that I talk about, unless explicitly noted.

Want to use this image for something else? Great! Click it for the link to a high-res or resolution-independent version.

I recently provided the PA for a gig powered by a generator. After my experience over the summer, you might understand if I was a bit nervous. My anxiety being sparked, I made no bones about what I needed: A generator capable of 14kW minimum. (See, when you’re connected to a municipal power grid, there are usually megawatts of capacity to spare when a big peak gets drawn. With a generator, there’s no such situation. You can’t get a 10kW peak out of a 2kW gennie. Physics is a harsh mistress.)

Well, guess what the show organizer did? They rented a GORGEOUS, 25kW diesel with one-button start. It came with a full tank of fuel, and get this: It left with a full tank of fuel. I think the continuous load on the unit at any given time was about 1200 watts. That’s less than 5% of the generator’s rated capacity; Statistically, it’s right on the border of significant vs. insignificant. We sipped at the well of power, and yet were sated, because the well was deep.

And that’s what you want, especially when the cost to rent portable power really isn’t that high. You want the gennie to be out of sight, out of mind, just like municipal power.

If you have to think about the generator, you got the wrong generator.

If you have to wonder if you got enough generator for the gig, you got the wrong generator.

It’s similar with PA systems as a whole, although I think the functional realities are harsher. If you have to ask if you have enough PA, you don’t have enough PA…and I bet that most of us, on a regular basis, don’t have enough PA. That is, we don’t have a functionally unlimited reserve of output that we barely touch as the show goes on. We regularly run our rigs at very large fractions of their total capability.

I’ve seen column-style portable systems run up to their limiters.

I’ve seen affordable “point and shoots” run up to their limiters.

I’ve seen three-ways stacked on double 18s where the system was run up to its limiters.

I’ve seen reasonably-powered, multi-box-hang array systems over a huge pile of subwoofers where the system was run up to its limiters.

Lest you get the wrong idea, all of those cases involved reasonable operators who were simply asking the rigs to deliver what they felt they needed to keep up with the needs of the show.

The audio side of audio is pretty unforgiving. Even a very solid system can be outrun by a band that’s moderately determined to be “extra loud.” The system capacity necessary to avoid thinking about that ever again is incredibly expensive and shockingly voluminous in physical size. Everything is a logarithmic curve, and that means the point of diminishing returns starts at zero capability.

It’s a sobering thought, yet when we realize how many of us navigate those waters regularly, we don’t have to be crushed by it. If we have to ask, we don’t have enough PA. Most of us will have to “ask” a lot in our careers. The economic and logistical factors that real shows deal with in real rooms are just that way.

I think.

The Skeptic’s Guide To Reading A Music Store Catalog

Suspicion as recreation.

Please Remember:

The opinions expressed are mine only. These opinions do not necessarily reflect anybody else’s opinions. I do not own, operate, manage, or represent any band, venue, or company that I talk about, unless explicitly noted.

 
Want to use this image for something else? Great! Click it for the link to a high-res or resolution-independent version.

I really don’t want to be too hard on the folks that write advertising copy. I did for a while, and it involved some truly sour moments of needing to fill space while also not having anything meaningful to say. So – I get it, but at the same time, because I get it, the more sensitive I am to filler and hype when they show up. I also have a special place in my heart for filler and hype that are related to music gear, because the more I know about it, the less I’m willing to “play ball.”

Hence, from that special place in my heart, I’ve decided to take a read through a quarterly musical catalog and make a little catalog of my own: Answers to the various bits and pieces of product blurbs that I perceive as unnecessary, overwrought, fluff, divorced from reality, or just plain deserving of a wisecrack in return.

Also, please refrain from getting the wrong impression here. I do appreciate good design and good quality – but I appreciate it when it actually makes my life easier, or makes something sound significantly better, or is truly an innovative solution. My problem with a lot of spendy music artifacts is that they don’t really do those things. They charge a premium, and lean on nostalgia for old technology, but that’s about it. I don’t need anything that’s heavy, hot, finicky, or prone to distortion, and I boggle at how many dollars are demanded for items that seem to exist mostly to have those features.

More seriously, I’d like to suggest that you look for the patterns in these claims about music gear: The attempts to make “vanity” features valuable, or giving a basic function a fancy name, or trying to pass off a mundane attribute as being notable. It’s everywhere in music-catalog ad copy.

Guitars And Basses

What They Print

What They Mean

“Period correct components.”

Old technology was less reliable and didn’t really sound better, but we’ll charge you extra for saying we used it.

“Legendary sparkle.”

This thing clangs like a chunk of steel dropped 30 feet onto a concrete floor.

“Simple electronics that let you focus on your playing.”

It was cheaper to build this way.

“Spank.”

Another word for single-coil clang.

“Standard sealed tuners.”

This is the cheap version, but we had to write it up like it was something special.

“Classic vibe.”

It looks old. Maybe it will sound better. Or just look old. Who knows?

“Innovative wiring.”

You can’t hear the difference, but we had to write something.

“Delivers the look and feel of…”

This whole guitar cost us $10 to make, but it’s sort of shaped like a famous one, so there ya go.

“Custom fret wire.”

You won’t notice a difference, but we’ll charge you an extra $200.

“Neck features a wide-thin shape.”

We compromised so that nobody would like playing this thing.

“Mini toggle switches…”

You will constantly be hitting these at all the wrong moments.

“Highly playable.”

The same as everything else.

“Improves the natural intonation of the instrument by creating a more synergistic response from the soundboard.”

Nobody told us that intonation and tonality aren’t interchangeable terms.

“Defined tone.”

It sounds like a guitar.

“Narrow-wasted…”

When we’re wasted, we prefer to be wide, but whatever you’re into, Dude.

“Liquid midrange.”

We’re not sure if this is better or worse than gaseous midrange.

“Old school low end.”

The definition of “old-school” is so amorphous that nobody will ever be able to call us on this one.

“…provides tones perfect for any genre.”

You’ll buy this without trying it first, and the tone will only have a 50% chance of being right for you.

“[Company] let [artist] specify everything.”

Do you want expensive guitars? This how you get expensive guitars.

“EQ instantly optimizes your bass for different playing styles.”

By instant, what we mean is that you’ll have to futz with all the knobs for at least an hour to start, and then agonize over them for 20 minutes at every gig thereafter.

“Has the look you need to dominate the stage.”

There are a lot of sharp edges on this instrument. Wear long sleeves and gloves.

“You can’t argue with the amazing sound…”

There’s an entire Facebook group dedicated to hating the sound of this thing.

“The proprietary neck has zero dead spots.”

Unlike this town after 10PM, AM I RIGHT?

Amps And Effects

What They Print

What They Mean

"[Artist’s] signature speaker."

We can’t think of anything else to write to sell this thing to you. It probably sounds like 90% of the other guitar speakers out there.

“Classic, American tone.”

We don’t really know what that is, and we’re hoping you don’t have a very clear idea about it either.

“Modern-vintage vibe.”

There is nothing we can meaningfully say about this thing.

“Focused articulation.”

This thing also produces higher frequencies.

“The power and performance you need on any stage.”

Too loud for anything but an arena. Also too loud there.

“Handcrafted.”

More expensive.

“All tube spring reverb.”

Expensive, but still a spring reverb.

“Liquid tone and smooth feel.”

I wish I was drinking a fine scotch, but I’m sitting here writing copy for a giant book of music gear.

“Class A”

Costs more, may also be useful as a space heater.

“Amazing headroom…”

It’s really FREAKING LOUD. Guaranteed to be misused.

“Utilizes a redesigned volume circuit.”

They picked a potentiometer taper that’s actually useful this time.

“Special edition.”

Exactly the same performance, but $500 more, in a color you’ll hate in a year, and with a fancy badge on the front.

“Your full-stack dream rig…”

We’ll also sell you the 12” combo that you’ll actually gig with and secretly prefer the sound of.

“Active guitar monitor.”

Overpriced combo amp with no tone controls.

“High density enclosure.”

Low resonance sounds great, if you can lift it.

“Nothing but a volume control between you and your tone.”

We don’t know why this thing costs so much after they left out the EQ section on purpose.

“Boutique.”

This thing costs as much your amp and all your guitars put together, but you’ll still have to pay extra for a matching cab.

“Nearly indestructible.”

You’ll scuff it up at the first gig.

“[Artist] signature model.”

Take out a home-equity line of credit to buy this dinky little combo.

“Recording amp.”

If we say this one is specifically for recording, you might spend money on it (even though the amp you have now is just fine).

“Faithfully models 60 amplifiers!”

You’ll only care about one or two.

“Organic, lush delay”

There’s a low-pass filter in the circuit somewhere.

“12 reverb types”

The first day, you’ll play around with all of them. After that, you’ll park the selector somewhere and never move it again.

“Studio-grade”

No noticeable sonic advantage. Costs $50 – $100 more.

“Juicy”

With strong notes of tolex, aromas of chicken-head knobs, and a mild aftertaste of distortion.

“Basking Shark/ Electric Banana/ Chromatic Dragon/ Seductive Marmoset”

Why couldn’t they just have called these things a compressor, distortion, EQ, and reverb, so it was easy to figure out what they do?

“Modern, high-gain tones.”

More fizz than a soda.

“100% discrete.”

Our excuse for making a really simple thing into an expensive, simple thing.

“Power and tone to rule any size venue.”

Spend thousands of dollars! Alienate your entire band instantly!

“Specially voiced for matching amps and processing.”

Awful for anything else. Hope you don’t change your mind later!

Keyboard Instruments

What They Print

What They Mean

“Classic analog oscillators.”

You ever see a keyboard that goes out of tune, son? I have.

“Sizable patchbay”

In about a week, you’ll realize what a pain it is to use this thing.

“Built-in vocoder and mic.”

You ever see a keyboard that can cause feedback on stage, son? I have.

“Natural-touch, velocity-sensitive, semi-weighted keybed.”

Like most other models, it pretty much feels like a keyboard and gets louder when you play harder.

“Raw, vintage-style synth.”

Cooked synths have fewer nutrients and less fiber. Make the natural choice – stay regular.

“100 drum rhythms onboard.”

Please send us the video of you accidentally triggering one during a church service. A funeral would be best.

“Almost as good as the real thing.”

We’re not saying you’re cheaping out, it’s just that…you’re cheaping out.

“Offers endless fun.”

Until the batteries die.

Drums

What They Print

What They Mean

“Acoustic-style 22-inch kick.”

We partially undid the compactness advantage of electronic drums in an effort to look cool. It also costs more.

“Collectible, throwback script badges.”

This shell-pack is $200 more expensive than the other one, which is otherwise the same.

“Velvety low-end.”

Those other drumkits have very coarse low-end, which can irritate the skin.

“Not abrasive or tinny as you might expect.”

We ordered a grundle of these, and can’t sell any. Please buy one. Please.

“A floor tom with legs.”

We had to say SOMETHING about it.

“Won’t take over a mix.”

The guitar player and bassist will flatten you like you’re a slow squirrel trying to dart across an interstate highway.

“Broadband maple.”

1000X the download speed of dialup maple.

“Rich, lingering sustain.”

You’ll spend at least a year trying to kill some of that lingering sustain.

“Complex bite and sensitivity.”

This snare drum is really FREAKING LOUD.

“[Artist’s] signature laser-engraved…”

Nobody but you will know or care about this, but we’ll charge you an extra $100 to buy this thing.

“DynaZip system.”

It’s a zipper, like you have on your hoodie.

“Delightfully pliable feel.”

These cymbals will get wrecked in a week. Watch.

Microphones

What They Print

What They Mean

“A locking case, shockmount, and wooden box are included.”

They better be – this mic costs $9000.

“Particularly remarkable as a matched pair.”

Also, buy our book, “How To Get Someone To Drop $18000 On A Pair Of Microphones.”

“Genuine tube for added vintage character.”

Vintage character = distortion.

“Vintage sound and modern technology.”

It’s a large diaphragm condenser with solid-state electronics.

“A bit of a departure from the bright, upfront sound…”

$10 says you’ll EQ that back in.

“Has a drive setting to add vibrant harmonic complexity.”

Pay extra on an expensive mic so that you can distort the signal.

“Fat switch boosts low frequencies.”

You could do the same thing for free with your EQ, but why?

“Sound quality typically found in larger, more expensive mics.”

Because mics are really well understood at this point, so spending a huge premium for a certain name probably isn’t worth it.

“Dual backplate/ dual membrane design is key to the sound.”

The same as every other mic with a pattern switch.

“Multi-voicing technology for forward, neutral, and gentle responses.”

The new version will also have reverse, 4X4 Lo, and manual mode with F1-inspired paddle shifters.

“Low-mass diaphragm.”

Just like any other condenser mic we’ve ever sold, or ever will sell.

“Realism.”

We’re still waiting for a mic from the impressionism school.

“Figure-8 pattern is great at picking up environmental sounds.”

Hope you REALLY like the sound of your room!

“Captures acoustic complexity out of the reach of other mics.”

That acoustic complexity is also out of the reach of human hearing.

“Uses the 2.4 GHz band to avoid interference.”

Except the firestorm of interference in the 2.4 GHz band due to a squazillion smartphones and Wi-Fi access points being everywhere.

Signal Processing

What They Print

What They Mean

“Completely transparent top-end presence boost.”

We’re not sure how an EQ change that you don’t notice is useful, but selling you an $800 EQ module is great for us, so…

“The more you crank it, the more color you get.”

Just like everything else, you get more distortion the harder your drive the electronics.

“Ultra-high-speed front end.”

It handles audio frequencies.

“Forgiving overload tolerance.”

Your terrible gain structure might sound less bad if you buy this.

“None of the bells and whistles that crowd out the most important circuitry.”

Pay a premium, but for fewer features.

“The sound that only analog circuitry can deliver.”

Until you realize that the same transfer-function is totally possible in a digital system for a fraction of the cost.

“The controls you need, including makeup gain…”

Just like every other compressor, except this one costs $1700 per channel.

“Variable silk”

Distortion with a fancy name.

“Active monitor controller with pristine transparency and low noise.”

You’re about to pay $1600 for a volume knob and output routing.

“Audiophile-grade.”

The manufacturer wanted to pay slightly more for capacitors and inductors, and then charge you a huge premium.

“One channel of do-it-all compression.”

There are 32-input consoles with flexible compression on each channel that cost less and consume the same amount of rackspace as this thing.

“Mastering-grade.”

Extremely expensive, with knobs that have click-stops.

“Mojo.”

Mostly just wider EQ bands and a bit of distortion, if we’re honest.

“Proprietary, feed-forward detection topology.”

The same as many other modern compressor designs.

“Elma switches.”

You won’t notice a difference, but you’ll pay more.

“Pure, active, analog summing.”

Every analog mixer does the same thing.

“Diamond-buffer based headphone amplifiers.”

It’s a very basic and common circuit design, but we’re hyping it up.

Studio Monitoring

What They Print

What They Mean

“Tri-amped design gives these monitors an amazingly natural sound.”

There’s nothing inherently more natural about a tri-amped design, but we needed to make this blurb longer.

“Amplified by a custom, discrete MOSFET class AB triamp pack.”

Has solid-state amplifiers that won’t blow up the drivers easily.

“Truly impressive, even in less than ideal rooms.”

Most decent loudspeakers can achieve this.

“Sonic reach outside the range of your own hearing.”

No practical application outside of us making more money.

“Flax-sandwich cones.”

Gluten-free, with dijon mustard. Hold the mayo.

“Extended linear excursion.”

The woofers can move more.

“Mathematically Modeled Dispersion.”

Everybody designs their waveguides and horns using numbers.

“Acoustically concealed woofer.”

It really means optically concealed, but this is music, so we say “acoustically”.

“Innovative class AB amplifier.”

Class AB amplification has been around for a very long time, but we’ve got to hype this thing.

“Low-mass tweeter.”

All tweeters are low-mass, especially when compared to drivers for lower-frequency passbands.

“A no-compromise studio monitor.”

There’s no such thing.

“Features a no-crossover design.”

It’s only got one driver, so of course there’s no crossover.

“Broad, deep soundstage.”

Unquantifiable claim.

“Varimotion transducer.”

Yup, it’s a loudspeaker.

“Untouchable frequency response.”

Except for all the other headphones that can reproduce the entire audible spectrum.

“Amps with wide frequency response.”

Any modern amplifier will do 20 Hz – 20 kHz just fine.

Computer-Based Audio

What They Print

What They Mean

“Boutique transformers.”

You’ll pay more, and you’ll try to convince yourself that you hear a difference.

“Streamlined version.”

“Crippled” version.

“Premium mic-preamps.”

Sounds the same as everything else.

“Unbeatable conversion.”

It gets signals into your computer and back out again.

“Tackle sample-rates up to 768 kHz.”

Our favority frequency is 384 kHz. You’ve probably never heard it before.

“Independent controls for input and monitoring levels.”

There’s nothing interesting to say about this thing.

“Unlimited track count.”

The manufacturer finally discovered that people hate paying more for what software should have always done.

“May be the best DAW you ever buy.”

Unquantifiable!

“Record, edit, arrange, mix, and master like never before.”

Just like every other DAW with a new version this year.

“SSL modeled console.”

It looks like an old mixing desk, so it must sound better, right?

“Flagship control surface.”

Because you haven’t spent that million-dollar inheritance yet.

“Do anything you could use a mouse and keyboard for.”

Except you’ll spend $5000 instead of $100.

“[Artist]/[Producer]/[Engineer] Signature Plug-In Pack”

The same EQ, dynamics, and reverb processing as everything else, but with the interface tweaked for faster access to certain settings.

Live Sound

What They Print

What They Mean

“[Proprietary Name For System Tuning].”

Like every other half-decent powered speaker, this was equalized and time-aligned by the manufacturer.

“Abundant bass, due to frequency shading technology.”

Has a passive crossover with the tweeter padded down appropriately.

“1200 watts of power.”

Compared to the common 1000 watts, it’s less than a decibel difference.

“Hybrid amplification…”

A class D amplifier for LF with an AB for HF is pretty mundane, in truth.

“Up to 2000 watts peak power capacity.”

Put 2000 watts into one of these for more than a second, and you’ll be buying a new one.

“Low-profile design.”

High-profile price relative to overall performance.

“180 degree dispersion at all frequencies.”

Splattering sound everywhere seems like a good idea until you’re in a real room.

“Warm, musical EQ.”

Wide filters with no Q control.

“1-4 multitouch screens.”

How much money you got?

“Enough I/O to get started.”

But not enough I/O to finish. You’ll need the spendy expansion unit for that.

“Remote control via iOS devices.”

Oh, you’re invested in Android tablets? Too bad.

“Completely compatible with any device sporting an AES50 connection.”

Unless the console only works at 96k sampling, which means you’re totally out of luck.

“Won’t clutter up a house mix with too much volume.”

Doesn’t get loud enough for anything but a jazz gig.

Repeats Are The Tops

It’s a good bet that your repeat customers make you the most money.

Please Remember:

The opinions expressed are mine only. These opinions do not necessarily reflect anybody else’s opinions. I do not own, operate, manage, or represent any band, venue, or company that I talk about, unless explicitly noted.

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A CRM is a “Customer Relationship Manager.” It’s software that shows you who your clients are, and what they’ve bought from you. I have a CRM for my audio clients – a very, very simple one that I coded up from scratch in the space of a few hours. Even being so simple, it’s revelatory: 43% of my clients represent 78% of my revenue, and every single one of them is a repeat client. Some of them get very significant discounts due to being longtime, “frequent-flyer” customers that I enjoy working with.

Let me restate that for impact. Less than half of the people I’ve worked with constitute the overwhelming majority of the money I’ve made as an audio-human in the last few years.

Here are the lessons as I see them, in no particular order.

  1. Basic tracking of who you work with and the business you’ve done with them is very helpful for keeping perspective. You don’t need big data support or lots of features to get started. Simply keep some meaningful records that you can sort and compare easily.
  2. Avoid being seduced by the concept that a bazillion calls from a bazillion different people will make you the revenue you want. It’s about being called over and over again by the same people.
  3. Getting called over and over again by the same people sometimes means that your per-show rate has to be negotiable – when multiple shows are definitely on the table, that is. For instance: “There might be more if you give us a break” would have me decline to give a discount, but “We’re going to do 10 of these” would make me consider some options.
  4. Single-shot, high day-rate calls are often also “big-hassle.” Repeat clients tend to be the high-quality ones that you look forward to seeing.
  5. If repeat clients are so important, shouldn’t long-term client delight be a top priority for you, above short-term wins? (Hint for audio engineers: When a client or client-related person says, “I never have to worry when you guys show up,” you’re doing something right.)

If you want a fighting chance in this business or any other, I’m betting that landing repeat clients is a crucial ability.

Keep Your Canopies

When it comes to things that catch the wind, anchor the sail – not the legs.

Please Remember:

The opinions expressed are mine only. These opinions do not necessarily reflect anybody else’s opinions. I do not own, operate, manage, or represent any band, venue, or company that I talk about, unless explicitly noted.

 
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The summertime show season is upon us, and that means a great number of people will be breaking – or outright losing – pop-up shelters.

For some of you, the whys and wherefores of this phenomenon are well known and obvious, but they aren’t always apparent to folks just getting started…or even more seasoned people.

The problem is this: People anchor the feet and/ or legs of their shelter, and then the wind kicks up. The canopy catches the wind, applies a proportionally large force to the legs and their fittings, and that’s all she wrote. Something in the frame deforms, or downright breaks. Alternatively, you may experience the unbridled hilarity of the pop-up becoming airborne.

YEEEEEHAAAAWWW!

It doesn’t help that manufacturers supply consumers of pop-ups with stakes for the feet. This provides a subtle bit of (incorrect) encouragement that an adequate anchoring method is to prevent the feet from moving. Staking the feet is good for keeping things in order against an errant foot or soccer ball, but not much else.

So, what’s the key? The key is to prevent movement of the system component that imparts force to the rest of the system. In the case of wind, the legs impart very little force to everything else. The canopy cover itself, though, is capable of tearing the whole mess to pieces when it gets moving. Expressed as a simple machine, the cover is the arm of a lever. If you want to stop a lever from moving, you prevent movement at the arm – not the fulcrum.

Thus, what you want to anchor is the canopy cover, or the part of the frame that supports the cover. If that doesn’t move, then nothing else will move, and your canopy will live to fight another day.

 

The Network Around The Corner

We might be moving towards an abstract future.

Please Remember:

The opinions expressed are mine only. These opinions do not necessarily reflect anybody else’s opinions. I do not own, operate, manage, or represent any band, venue, or company that I talk about, unless explicitly noted.

 
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I once wrote an article on this site about how I don’t feel like I can predict the future of live audio. I still don’t think I can predict it. Even so, I may have had a flash of inspiration lately, stemming from a conversation I had some months ago.

We were setting up for the Samba Fogo show run, and Jeff, the lighting designer and operator, reacted to something I said.

“Look at where digital consoles are now, relative to the start of your career. Lots of things are going to change.”

Well now – that got the juices flowing, even though I wasn’t consciously aware of it.

Those juices were working their way through my system a few days ago, when suddenly it hit me:

What it we’re moving toward a future where everything is networked and essentially abstract? Consoles and system management devices use networked audio right now. More speakers (some already do this) would have network ports to handle audio and remote management.

The only thing missing is the input side.

Microphones and DI boxes themselves could house a sub-miniature preamp and network interface, connecting via cables with Ethercon ends. Power-over-ethernet is already a real and mature technology, so the problem of needing bias voltage is essentially solved.

We might encounter a world, not too far distant, where the channel number is essentially obsolete. Sure, the input devices would tag what port they’re connected to, so that multiples of the same model could be sorted out. In the end, though, a device connects to the network, IDs itself, locks to the network clock, and then you just put it on your console’s input list. Because it’s all abstract, the patching order ceases to matter. You just drag and drop whatever channel you want into any position you want. It would no longer be a case of “Vocal 2 is on input 10 which is patched to channel 4.” The situation would be “The vocal 2 channel is currently at this place on the screen.”

It’s similar with output patching. You could just say something like, “Main LR to Yamaha DZR 1/2,” and that would be the end of it.

This doesn’t solve every problem, of course, and it has complexities that are all its own, but I see it as perfectly viable and a way that things might go.

 

 

That Pariah, The Electric Guitar

The electric guitar is blamed for volume issues when it deserves it…and when it doesn’t.

Please Remember:

The opinions expressed are mine only. These opinions do not necessarily reflect anybody else’s opinions. I do not own, operate, manage, or represent any band, venue, or company that I talk about, unless explicitly noted.

 
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I know that Joe Bonamassa’s opinion piece for Guitar.com, When Did The Electric Guitar Become Such A Pariah? has a rhetorical question for a title. I also know that Mr. Bonamassa sits astride the world of music as would a god, whereas I…definitely don’t do that. I’m going to answer anyway, though, because I’m opinionated as fondue and I have a website.

So there.

Electric guitar became a pariah with audio engineers for a whole raft of reasons, but here are two that stand out to me right now:

  1. A significant number of players haven’t literally or metaphorically read the final paragraph of Joe’s op-ed, where playing appropriately for the gig is mentioned.
  2. A large number of audio humans have never figured out that their job is to work with the noise in the room, rather than trying to totally reshape the noise in the room.

I’m going to start with #2, because those are “my people” in the most direct sense.


Many of my people come from a studio background. In a modern setting, a studio engineer is often expected and encouraged to use a dizzying array of tools for the purpose of changing things. “I want to get that sound,” says a musician, and the engineer sets about a process of converting one noise into a different noise. Either that, or it’s “I want to get that sound” on the part of the engineer – but what happens is the same. Sculpting. Tweaks. Their very favorite EQ plugin. Dynamics tricks. Precise level setting so that the guitar pulls into a parking place within the mix that is “just so.” This is made feasible by the broken loop of the studio setting. The original acoustical event ends very quickly, and stops being a contributor to what the engineer has to work with. Instead, they work with reproductions of that event, reproductions where the control over their intensity is absolute for every practical purpose.

And then, this fastidious, picky molder of aural clay finds themselves behind a live-audio mixing desk. They’ve been put in that position because they are a “killer sound engineer,” and to get “killer sound” at a live gig you want to have a “killer sound engineer!” They got a “killer sound” on the record. It was a great mix. So, of course, they just need to do the same things at the gig, and the result will be the same, right? RIGHT?

But, of course, this overlooks the problem that mixing a real band, in a real room, in real time, for a real audience is a different sub-discipline of audio engineering. The vocabulary and tools are essentially the same; The process is different.

The problem being overlooked, then, precipitates a new problem. The engineer wants to get control over what’s going on in the room. To do that, the thing they have direct management of – the PA – has to be much, much louder than the acoustical contribution of the band. So, if the guitar player(s) are already loud, then the PA has to be really loud…and if the guitar players start at !@#$%^ LOUD, then the PA has to be REALLY !@#$%^ LOUD. This often does not go over well with audiences and venue managers, so a new solution was devised by the engineer:

Make the band quieter.

And it’s much easier to make guitarists quieter than drummers (who are often culprits in the too loud spectrum), due to how the guitarist’s production of sonic energy is generally contained within a singular piece of technology that is divorced from the player’s own physical being, a thing known as a guitar amplifier. In any case, the discipline of working with – and in extreme cases, around – the noise of the band is not on the radar, so the electric guitar becomes the focus of the “get control over this thing” efforts.


The last paragraph above feeds into the first thoughts regarding the players. Guitar players have a focus on the technology of their instrument that I think is actually comparable to other serious musicians, but with one differentiating caveat: Mysticism.

What I mean is that I have yet to meet a percussionist who demonstrates a mentality where – say – maple shells are an intrinsic factor in rock and roll “being right”. They may be important, even critically important at a practical level, but they aren’t intrinsic to the soul of the music. With guitar players, there’s a quite common (though not universal) sense of near-religious reverence towards the technology stack that produces the sounds. It goes beyond practicality and crosses into the sacred.

The trouble comes from the genre-defining, mystical tones being a byproduct of solutions for conundrums that don’t exist anymore, or don’t exist for that particular player. Amps that could produce clean tones at high SPL to compete with big brass, and that were found to have very nifty distortion characteristics at even higher volumes. Walls of amplification necessary for the coverage of very large audiences when PA systems were meant almost exclusively for vocals.

The mysticism being built on both that kind of sound’s distortion components, and the overall experience of that sound’s absolute SPL creates an unbending desire to achieve that result. The player says, “if it doesn’t sound like this, it isn’t right,” and everybody else (including the audience) has to keep up. The concept of playing to the gig doesn’t register, or it doesn’t hold enough weight as a priority.


Now put the above two sections together, and you have the ingredients for electric guitar becoming a pariah. A problem-creature that must be fixed.

And with the technology existing to downsize and de-volume the electric guitar with relative ease, the pressure to do so is quite high. Some folks have had great results with doing so, and others (like Joe Bonamassa) have not enjoyed the ride. If you want a universal fix that will make everybody happy, you’re probably out of luck…at least until every audio engineer learns to work with the sound they’ve already got, and until every guitar player can re-jigger their expectations on a show-by-show basis.