A few days ago, I was presented with a handwritten note. It had been penned (actually, pencil-ed) by my dad, who was wondering about all the various genres that are invoked by “Arts & Culture” columnists.

In a certain sense, Dad was being incredulous. I think the note was – in a sense – a way to ask: “Does all this stuff actually exist, or are all these labels just a bunch of hoity-toity crap?”

Anyway.

I wanted to answer the note, but I realized that it would take “some doing” to actually cover everything. Since I would have to type out my answers anyway, I figured I’d make an actual article out of the whole exercise. I also set myself one rule: No research.

That might seem like a strange restriction to impose, but I think it makes sense in context. I want to figure out if I can come up with a good way of explaining what I THINK each of the genres entail, instead of just resynthesizing a whole bunch of other explanations that float around on the ‘Net. I figure that it’s the most honest thing to do, especially when the unspoken question of “whether it’s all a bunch of BS” is part of the whole thing.

…and hey, if you think I’m full of it, you can tell me in the comments.

So, here we go.

Just to restate – this is NOT meant to be authoritative. The genre descriptions below are my best guesses. What I think a certain type of music is may be different than what it actually is.

Funk

A style that fuses the most danceable aspects of soul (especially beats that incorporate lots of syncopation or “swing”) with rock and blues. Funk often incorporates dominant guitar parts and strong, “walking” basslines. The use of “wah” pedals and other resonant effects for the guitar is likely to be prominent. Funk tunes can have a tendency to be lengthy, with long sections of improvisation.

Slow Motion Funk

As above, but deliberately played at a modest pace. The high-energy timbres may still be present, but the high-energy speed is not.

Mid-Fi Synth-Wave

A genre that emphasizes strong use of “purely” electronic instruments. The overall sound quality is not meant to invoke either a sense of deliberate polish or planned grittiness. If a tone is distorted or band-limited, then so be it – and the same applies to sounds that happen to be more pristine. The overall style is similar to a number of British “dance club” acts from the 1980s, with strong, straight-forward beats and an emphasis on catchy melodies.

Electro-Soul

Whereas much “regular” soul is associated with acoustic instruments, like drums and horns, electro-soul puts synthesized tones in a dominant role.

Pop-Rock

A fusion of the accessible, “lighter” thematic material found in pop, along with the gritty guitars and driving rhythm of rock. The pop sound is usually dominant, which means an overall sound that is smoother and more refined than “pure” rock.

Alt-Punk

A genre that marries a straightforward, relatively “unproduced” rock sound with certain parts of the “harshness” of punk. Depending on the listener’s perception (and the musicians’ intent), the rasping belligerence of punk may be the basic element – but toned down, or that same grit and wild abandon may have been added to a modern rock foundation.

EDM

Short for Electronic Dance Music, this genre relies on synthesized or sampled sounds. The arrangements may be complex, but the underlying beat is overwhelmingly a simple 4/4 style, with dominant, low-frequency transients on each quarter note.

Post-Punk

Similar to alt-punk, in that the sensibility of the music isn’t “pure” punk. The music strongly reflects the influence of punk on the world of rock, but has higher production values and more refined musicianship.

Metalcore

A musical style that blends the straightforward, low-tuned aggression of hardcore with the technical facility of metal.

Chamber-Pop

A genre where the instrumentation of chamber music is used to play selections with the accessibility of pop.

Electro-Industrial

An amalgam of the “found sound” and gritty percussion of industrial music with more dominant and melodic synthesizer elements.

Indie-Rock

Straightforward rock music that (currently) is more directly connected to the roots of rock and blues than its more commercialized counterparts. Indie-rock seems to be consciously (and deliberately) of a lower fidelity, sometimes employing very strident tones in its arrangements.

Hip-Hop

An urban style of music that focuses on a heavy, danceable beat. The beat and other instrumentation may serve as a bed for sung or spoken lyrics, but the production focus emphasizes the music more than the rap genre.